All this school year, we have worn our green glasses to follow several strands in a story about how to develop resiliency. Kindness has been our secret “code word,” but the objective has always been to focus on developing resiliency in our students and in our community. How? The research tells us: By developing our abilities to focus our attention, express gratitude, be empathetic, practice inclusivity, respectfully communicate effectively and to be reflective, we will develop resiliency. To symbolize it, on occasion we wear our green glasses and envelop all we do in simply practicing kindness. This segment of our story was determined long ago, to focus on the fifth element: communication.
The story, however, has been interrupted. Our pathway to discovering resilience has been disrupted by a pandemic-sized boulder in the road. Or has it?
During this COVID-19 crisis, our ability to bounce back is essential. For many, though, the isolation, anxiety and uncertainty are a test of their mental and emotional grit, their resiliency. Sometimes, the only way to assess resilience is through adversity itself, just as a health threat like the coronavirus is a measure of our society’s fortitude. Our resiliency is being tested. And in some ways our ability to communicate has been compromised.
As a teacher and coach, long ago and far away, I always believed communication was critical in developing relationships. And I have always agreed with the experts, that communication is more than just the words we use. The best teachers and coaches I have ever observed have what some call “with-it-ness.” The master teacher can sense, by reading slight signals (body language, a facial expression, a glance of the eyes) that “Johnny” in the back of the room, is going to misbehave five minutes before he has contemplated the behavior. A great coach, out of the corner of their eye, can “read” what is going on with a discouraged player and will move into proximity and place their hand on the player’s shoulder, communicating volumes, without saying a word.
This disease-filled detour from normalcy is certainly stretching our stamina – more specifically, our ability to maintain communication and build relationships despite being secluded at home. Having any kind of meaningful exchange with those outside our immediate family has been relegated to social media, text messages, phone calls and Zoom meetings, which require a whole other kind of emotional endurance, energy and focus. As social distancing remains necessary across the country, people (students included) are jumping from one video call to another. Mental health and communication experts describe the unintended effect as “Zoom fatigue,” or the feeling of exhaustion, anxiety and dread of yet one more video call.
So much of human communication occurs through nonverbal cues, which are either lost or distorted in a video conference. Simple nods and hints missed in a virtual dialog can have an indirect effect on resiliency. Without the benefit of seeing these in-person prompts, sometimes we may unknowingly say something wrong or overlook a cautionary sign we would have seen if actually interacting. Recovering – or being resilient – when relationships break down and communication falters is not always so easy.
Communication and relationship building are the lifeblood of teaching and parenting. Yet, in these current technology-dependent circumstances, the intangibles we depend upon to be good teachers and parents may be impaired if not altogether removed. For teachers, the importance of touch, expression and personal interest are more difficult to extend, if not physically impossible, in a twice-daily video chat. For parents, patience may be lost in a crowded, uptight space now doing triple duty as home, classroom and office. For both teachers and parents, a balance of kindness and toughness is crucial to persevere through this seemingly endless episode.
This is where resiliency once again wins the day. Our Eanes teachers do not give up, despite “Zoom fatigue.” They have become masters at noticing when one student is not very responsive, consistently mutes the audio or video, or doesn’t show up for an online lesson. Although they may have their own children at home to care for or their own personal struggle with solitude, I have heard countless stories of our teachers and staff being resilient in the face of these challenges to still communicate, still foster connections and still deliver inspired instruction.
Understanding the unique relational needs of students, teachers and parents in this complex environment is vital. Rediscovering “other ways you communicate with people” – especially while confined to our homes – can lead us to greater resilience and deeper reflection. This is a new narrative we are writing, one which will not be deterred by the current pandemic; rather, our collective stories will be richer because we are learning resilience, empathy and real communication regardless of this adversity.
The final month of the school year should be filled with traditions, milestones and celebrations. Instead, as schools remain closed and we continue to shelter in place, let’s aim for real communication to stay in touch with each other. In doing so, we will emerge from this pandemic more resilient, more united and more grateful for relationships than ever before.
Tom Leonard is the Eanes school district superintendent.
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