It’s a fact of early childhood that kids learn quickly from each other. When he was 4, our oldest son taught his then 2-year-old brother how to use the potty. He also taught him how to stay in bed — which, oddly, was even more helpful than the potty thing. Both were things the 2-year-old wasn’t able to understand when Mom and Dad tried to teach him, but the 4-year-old was able to do it with no problem.
When it’s things like this, it’s great. You get all the benefit of the younger kid learning the behavior you wanted to teach without actually having to teach it. Plus the older one is learning how to mentor. It’s a win-win-win situation.
The problem is, there’s another side to learned behaviors. Older siblings are in a prime position to teach younger siblings all sorts of bad attitudes, tactics and skills. The knowledge of how to throw a fit, hide dirty laundry under your bed, play on top of the car, break dad’s tools, scatter board game pieces around the house and sneak candy have all been passed along in our house.
Sometimes the training is on purpose. Like the Artful Dodger from “Oliver Twist,” the older brother may use shrewd street smarts (alright, backyard smarts) to mislead his unsuspecting younger brother(s).
But a lot of times it’s not intentional. I doubt the 4-year-old set out to train his 2-year-old brother in the art of screaming bloody murder last week when someone took the swing he wanted to use. But he successfully did. Now, the 2-year-old jealously defends his illegitimate claim to his favorite swing in the backyard by loudly screaming. So that’s wonderful.
If you’ve ever had the experience of finding a sippy cup of milk underneath a car seat after it had been there for a week, in the heat of a Texas summer, and then made the unfortunate mistake of opening the lid while you were still in the van, you know how that odor can spread through the entire vehicle.
When one kid’s attitude turns like spoiled milk, it can spread and quickly infect other attitudes as well. As the 2-year-old is learning to speak, this is increasingly evident. Unlike his oldest brother, he has the “benefit” of getting to hear complaints from his 9-year-old brother that he can repeat and mimic.
“No, that’s mine!”, “go away! and “it’s too heavy” (in reference to a single Lego block he doesn’t want to pick up) are phrases he’s learned to deliver with flair.
However, there’s a good side to this too. We’re somewhat old school with manners and discipline in our house and the boys say “yes, sir” and “no, sir.” However, this wasn’t something I had ever taught the kids at age 2. That is until Number 5 turned 2. He got used to hearing it so much from his brothers that he seems to think that’s the standard way of acknowledging something. I don’t think this will last since the boys (and my wife and I) say “yeah” all the time, and surely that will catch on, but for now it’s pretty great to hear the 2-year-old chirp, “yes, sir!” when I tell him to get his shoes or ask him if he wants to go to the park.
I guess that’s just the way it is. You take the good with the bad and hope the older kids can pass along more positive behaviors than troublesome ones. A good reason to try and get the older ones started off in the right direction. And to that, the 2-year-old says, “Yes, sir!”
Harris and his wife live in Pflugerville with their six sons. Please email comments or suggestions for future columns to thoughtsforcaleb@gmail.com.
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